Only You
by Lady Tenel Ka
Summary: J/TK- J/Z -They're on a mission that can change their lives for the better- but it changes for the worst
1. Default Chapter

The darkness seems to swallow me whole  
  
I no longer exist without you  
  
Then a gentle breeze blows, stirring my soul  
  
But no comfort in it is renewed  
  
Myself I can fool no longer  
  
I have to admit that you're gone  
  
It's only for you that I hopefully hunger  
  
Yet I hopelessly die with each bloody dawg  
  
I go through each day with a feigning content  
  
My true feelings have become too shy  
  
I work, as my usual day is spent  
  
But by night I'm alone, and I cry  
  
I cry for the days to never embrace  
  
My heart burns with an icy fire  
  
Angry tears rip at my paling face  
  
Because I know I can't have this one desire  
  
Memories lash through me hazy mind  
  
I cringe at the forthcoming pain  
  
They've told me that you I never will find  
  
If I did, what could I gain?  
  
All is silent, as a tear falls away  
  
And a breeze blows gently again  
  
Your voice comes through, and I hear you say  
  
That you'll be back as soon as you win  
  
You struggle for light against the dark  
  
You're running through an engulfing flame  
  
Then once out, on your journey embark  
  
But promise to me you'll be the same  
  
I pause to listen, and hear you speak  
  
And feel you wrap around me  
  
I start to tremble, and I fall down, weak  
  
Trapped, but there's no fight to be free  
  
You're alive, and that's all I need  
  
I can go on, because you're here  
  
You've planted again love's tiny seed  
  
And death never again shall I fear. 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One- A boy of about 17 was laying sprawled out on his somewhat comfortable bed, staring up at the ceiling. The room was filled with light, and his eyes, being accustomed to the darkness the night, stung when he opened them. He closed his eyes, rubbing them, and turned over to turn off the buzzing chrono beside him. Sunlight poured into his room, which, on any other day would have been pleasant, but considering that this was part of the source that spoiled such a good dream, he was annoyed. He groaned and tried to slip back into that state of sub-consciousness that he enjoyed so much, but it was impossible. He sighed, and he stood to get ready for the day. The dream had been of her. The woman he loved. Tenel Ka. He tried to recapture every detail of his dream. He remembered seeing her leaning on a quiet, lonely balcony, her red hair spilling over her bare shoulders. She had a flowing silky black nightgown on. She sighed, staring at the stars. 'That's not anything like Tenel Ka...' He thought, laughing quietly. He remembered himself walking up to her and slipping his arms around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug. She rested her head on his shoulder. No words were spoken, just feelings. He pulled his head away from hers and stared into her passive, gray eyes. He remembered leaning in to kiss her, but just before their lips met was when he heard a distant, but loud buzzing noise from his chrono. He turned off the shower, and stepped out to dry off and get down to the mess hall in time to eat. Master Luke had called five friends back to the academy in order to discuss a delicate subject concerning the war at hand. He wanted to meet with Jaina and Jacen, their two best friends Tenel Ka and Zekk and a friend of the family by the name of Lobacca. Everything was tense those next few days, and the only time Jacen could find peace was in his sleep. He thought deeply, walking down the lonely hallway, which used to be filled with familiar faces of the Jedi he used to train with. He let out a loud sigh and made his way quickly to the mess hall. "Jace!" A familiar voice rang out. Jacen turned to see his twin sister Jaina sitting at a table with Zekk and Tenel Ka. Jacen's heart pounded as his eyes fell over Tenel Ka's well-formed figure. He traced her hair down to her shoulders, and back up, resting on her lips. She didn't say anything to the other two sitting at the table, instead she ate silently. Silent, that was Tenel Ka. Silent and solemn. Jacen snapped out of his trance, and took another step towards the table. Before he reached it, he realized that instead of one unusually empty seat there were two. Still somewhat asleep, he couldn't place his finger on who was missing. That is until two furry arms wrapped around his neck in a giant hug. When Lobacca the Wookiee released Jacen, who was gasping for air, he grunted something that Jacen had gotten used to hearing. "Good morning to you too, Lowie." Jacen said, gaining more control over his breathing. He sat down at his usual spot beside Tenel Ka and began eating. "Good Morning, Jacen." Tenel Ka said in-between rather large bites of her food. "Mornin'." Jacen grinned, happy to hear her voice. "Did you sleep well?" She asked curiously, passing him the food. "Uh huh." Jacen answered. "How about you?" Tenel Ka shook her head. Jacen wondered why she hadn't. "It was cold." She said, reading his mind. She grinned, seeing Jacen's eyes light up as if he had a wonderful idea. "Well, we'll just have to fix that wont we?" He said eagerly. She laughed quietly, and finished her meal.  
  
-TK POV- Ok so maybe I lied. It's early-he can't catch on. I wasn't really that cold, well temperature cold anyway. I've been having bad feelings lately. I can't sleep anymore, all I think about is Jacen. But why? Aren't there other things that are more important to me than Jacen? I'm in a war. I don't have time for nonsense.Not now anyway.  
  
-J POV- She's not telling me the truth. Not the whole truth. There's something wrong, she's troubled. I just wish I knew what it was.  
  
After breakfast, they all walked together to where Master Luke had told them to meet. Jacen walked, occasionally glancing at Tenel Ka. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead of her, never breaking her concentration. Tenel Ka was deep in thought. She felt him staring at her, but that didn't bother her. Her mind was racing with thoughts of him, but she tried to block them out and concentrate on the matter at hand. They finally arrived at the place where Luke had called them. "Good Morning." He greeted them sincerely. They entered the room and began their meeting. Luke talked for a long time about what has happened throughout the war that they might not have heard. He explained his concern for the well being of the five friends. He explained the concerns of the war. He explained the cost of winning and losing. He explained a mission. 


	3. Chapter 2

A/N- Tenel Ka DID get her arm fixed!  
  
Chapter 2- Don't Let Go  
  
The five stepped out of the meeting and began to walk down the hallway. Jacen trailed behind and made sure that Jaina, Zekk and Lowie were far enough ahead. He reached his hand out to grab Tenel Ka gently by the arm. She stopped and looked at him. He turned her around to face him. Her usually expressionless face hinted confusion. "Tenel Ka, I need to talk with you real quick." Jacen said, quietly. He pulled her over into a corner. "You know, I wasn't joking about what I said at breakfast." Tenel Ka's confusion was more apparent. "When you said you were cold." He continued. Tenel Ka still didn't understand. Jacen grabbed her hands in his, and leaned in closely to kiss her. Their lips met for a few seconds, just long enough to be enjoyed, but not too long to make it uncomfortable for both of them. Tenel Ka looked at the ground and didn't say anything. "I love you, Tenel Ka." Jacen said. She looked up, surprised. She stared him in the eyes.  
  
-TK POV- I can tell he means it.I can see it in his eyes. I love him too, but can I tell him? I will.if I can just find the words to say.  
  
-J POV- I wish there was another way to say it, but she looked so confused, I had to just say it straight up. I hope she understands that.  
  
Tenel Ka opened her mouth, but no words came out. She bit her lip and looked back at the ground. Jacen's heart began to sink, 'She must think I'm a fool.' he thought to himself. Jacen's grip on her hands began to lighten up as Tenel Ka brought her face up to his once more. Her chin began to quiver, but she held back the tears that have been trying to force themselves out for as long as she can remember. "I love you too, Jacen Solo." She said. Jacen's heart beat rapidly, and his face lit up with a smile. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it lightly. Tenel Ka laughed quietly, as Jacen wrapped an arm around her in a simple hug. She hugged him tightly around the neck. He unwillingly let her go, but he knew they had to catch up to the others before they became too suspicious.  
  
*** It was later that night, and Jacen had stuck to his promise. He was lying in his bed with Tenel Ka's warm body snuggled up against his. He had his arms wrapped around her, and he could feel her body expand every time she took in a breath. He closed his eyes, but he couldn't fall asleep. He was too busy thinking. Tenel Ka, who wasn't really sleeping quite yet, sensed Jacen's thoughts, and opened her eyes. "What is wrong?" She asked quietly. Jacen breathed into her hair, "Nothing, go back to sleep." He ordered lovingly. Tenel Ka sat up stubbornly. "No, something is wrong. Please tell me." Jacen sat up next to her, his eyes tasting every curve of her body. He moved his hand up to her cheek, rubbing it lightly with his fingers. She closed her eyes, resting her head in the palm of his hand. Jacen smiled at her contentment, and moved his other hand up to cup her face. His gaze centered in on her mouth. So perfectly shaped and filled in, he found it hard to resist. But he didn't try. He pulled her face close to his and his lips hungrily met hers. Tenel Ka was shocked, but pleased. She closed her eyes and kissed him back. Each time their lips met, the kiss became more fervent. Tenel Ka broke the kiss abruptly and looked down at the bed sheets. "What was that for?" She asked quickly. Jacen lifter her chin up with his fingers, "Nothing." He replied calmly. Tenel Ka sensed the hidden meaning behind his words and smiled. Again, Jacen's eyes fell to her lips. He loved to see her smile. She laid back down and closed her eyes. Jacen brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead lightly. 'I love you,' He thought to himself. He too laid down and fell asleep. He had another dream that night.more like something of a memory.  
  
**Classes went as normal, with Jacen face down on his desk. After their morning classes and afternoon meal, they normally would go hang out with Jaina and Zekk, or sleep, but not that time. It was too pretty outside to stay indoors. Jacen had messily stuffed a few clothes in a bag and had told Tenel Ka to get something that she could swim in. They were all four going down to swim in one of the small streams that were created from the green rivers of Yavin 4. Tenel Ka heard a knock on the door to her room. "Hurry up, we're late." Came an annoyed voice from the hallway. She pulled a soft shirt over her head, and grabbed her bag. "Coming." She yelled. Jaina opened the door and hurried her out. They ran down the hall to meet up with Jacen and Zekk, who had been waiting on them for a good five minutes. "That was fast." Jacen said sarcastically. Tenel Ka punched him in the arm. "Ow." Jacen whined. Jaina rolled her eyes at him. "She didn't hit you that hard, Jace." she said, punching him in the other arm. "Hey! Why is everyone hitting me?" Jacen asked, covering his head. Zekk laughed, and Jacen shot him a nasty scowl. Zekk put his hands up in defeat, before anything could happen. Tenel Ka grabbed Jacen's arm and drug him away, and all four of them ran excitedly to the river. Jaina placed her bag on the ground, and tugged her shirt over her head, dropping it on top of her bag. She stood at the edge of the stream in her dark yellow bathing suit and a pair of shorts. She dipped her toe in to test the water. She shivered. 'Of course it's cold.' she thought. She pulled her foot back to the shore. Tenel Ka walked over to her and asked how the water felt. "It's cold.it's always cold." Jaina pouted. Just as Tenel Ka was about to feel the water, the two boys came bursting out of a nearby bush and threw the girls into the river. Jaina surfaced, with Tenel Ka right behind her. Jaina sputtered, spitting water away from her mouth. "That was not funny." Tenel Ka growled, however still showing no true emotion. Jacen, who had been laughing, suddenly felt a wave of fear rush over him. "Was it worth it?" She asked threateningly. Jacen wanted so badly to answer yes, but he knew no matter what he said, he would be severely hurt anyway. Tenel Ka climbed out of the frigid water, her red hair dripping with water, straightening out her bikini top, showing just enough skin to make him melt. She walked towards him slowly, as he backed up. She cut of his retreat by backing him into a nearby tree. Jacen looked around his to try and find an escape. The only way out was to jump into the river. 'Oh that's great.its either get beaten up by Tenel Ka, or jump into a freezing river with all my clothes on.' Jacen thought. He knew he had to run. Tenel Ka smirked, and Jacen, seeing no other way, took off running. He had hoped that he could have gotten off easy by jumping in, but his escaping only fed the chase. She ran quickly after him, laughing. Jacen was clumsily trying to pull his shirt off so he could save at least some of his clothes. He succeeded in pulling it off and threw it on the ground. He reached the edge of the bank and dove in. A chill ran through his body as he was captured by the icy coldness of the water. 'Maybe she'll give up now that I'm in the water.' He thought. Tenel Ka stood at the edge of the bank staring at him. Jacen smiled an innocent smile, but looked as if to say "Too bad." Soon, he realized that the water wasn't as cold anymore and began to move around. Tenel Ka still stood on the riverbank, staring at him, her arms folded over her chest. Jacen felt a little safer after a few minutes of such 'activity', and he swam to the shore. Just as he was reaching a more shallow part of the river, Tenel Ka's muscles flinched, and an evil smirk formed on her mouth. Jacen hadn't noticed for he had been too busy concentrating on swimming. He looked up at her once his feet could reach the bottom of the river, just in time to see her jump in right at him. She balled her body up and created a large splash. Jacen didn't move, and once the water had settled, he stood where he was with an annoyed look on his face, water dripping down it. Jaina, who had been watching Tenel Ka, giggled loudly in amusement. Jacen looked at her, now pouting. She tried to stifle her laugh, somewhat unsuccessfully, holding her hands over her mouth. Jacen looked back towards Tenel Ka, who was standing with her face right in front of his. "Ok, we're even." He said in defeat. He slipped his hands around her waist, pulling her body closer to his. "Oh no my friend.not yet." She said evilly. Jacen pulled her into a kiss before she could say anything further.**  
  
Jacen woke up to a cold room, and no one in his bed. He sat up, wondering where Tenel Ka had gone. The sky was still dark, and he turned and stared at his chrono. '3:30.what's she up to now?' Jacen thought sleepily. Tenel Ka had gotten up from the bed not too much earlier, and was standing out on the balcony. Jacen grabbed a blanket and walked out to her. "What's wrong? Why are you out here?" He asked calmly. "I could not sleep well.I don't feel good." She answered. Jacen put his arm around her thin waist, wrapping the blanket around them.  
  
-TK POV-  
  
His arm around me felt so strong, like it would never let me go. I was uncomfortable. I mean, it felt so good to be held by him, but he made me uncomfortable. I know I love him. He knows that. I just feel like something bad is going to happen- that I'll never see him again.  
  
-J POV-  
  
She was so easy to hold, never forcing against me, and leaning into my grip. But I didn't understand why she didn't seem to enjoy it. I haven't seen her in a long time, I've dreamt of nothing else but her for all that time. I wish she could know how much I love her, but I can't tell her that- there are no words.  
  
He turned and gazed into her eyes. The silver stars reflecting in them. She stared back into his. "Jacen.I." She began. Jacen's eyes urged her on. "I need you." She breathed. She pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. Jacen's mind raced with confusion and pleasure at the same time. Was this the Tenel Ka he knew? No, of course not.it couldn't be. She never would have kissed him so willingly. Tenel Ka's hands slid up his back, rubbing it gingerly. Jacen's questions were all erased when she pressed her lips harder against his. He wrapped his muscular arms tighter around her. She pressed her slender body against his, allowing him to take control. Jacen let go of everything, and poured all of the love in his heart into this kiss. Tenel Ka began to shake; she broke the kiss, turning her head away. She closed her eyes, sinking her face into his shoulder, fighting the tears.  
  
-TK POV- What's wrong with me? Why did I do that? He must think I'm crazy. I guess I'm just so scared that I can't control myself anymore. Or maybe it's because I really do need him. Who knows.  
  
-J POV- Am I going crazy? What was that for? It's not that we've never kissed.we've kissed a few times. but she's never kissed me on her own. But it's like she has no power over it. She's killing me, every time she looks at me, I feel like I'm dying. Why can't I tell her how deeply I love her? I love her more than anything, and she must know that by now. But I'm not sure how much longer I can restrain myself from not being able to say it.  
  
Jacen grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away. He looked into her eyes. She couldn't make eye contact with him. She was still shaking, more aggressively than before. He let her go, allowing her to fall back into him. He rested his head into her soft red hair, rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. She took deep breaths, gaining more control over herself. "Don't give up, Jace." She said through shivers. Jacen was confused, but said only one thing in response- "I wont." He picked her up and carried her back into his room, placing her gently on the bed. She snuggled up to his chest and fell asleep for the first time in weeks. 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Renegade  
  
The next morning, Zekk had taken Jaina out somewhere where they could be alone for a while. They walked around part of the academy, reminiscing about the time when they had trained there. Jaina remembered how exciting it was to come to an entirely new place. She had been glad Jacen was with her, but it was still exciting to meet all sorts of new creatures and make all kinds of new friends. Zekk grabbed her hand, snapping her back to reality. Jaina smiled, looking away from him. She didn't want to tell Zekk, but she, just as Tenel Ka, had been having bad feelings of future events. Zekk could sense something was wrong with her. "What's the matter, Jaina?" Zekk asked gently. Jaina turned her head to his.  
  
-Jaina POV- I wish I knew why his voice makes me feel so calm. Why do I want to melt every time he says something to me? But more importantly, why did he ask me what's wrong? Nothings wrong.well.not really. Not that I can name. There's something there.tugging at my mind- teasing me. I hate not knowing what it is.  
  
-Zekk POV- Man.she's gorgeous. I don't know what it is about her that twists my stomach up. I love everything about her. The perfect way her hair falls around her shoulders, the way her eyes turn to stare at me, the way her lips move when she talks to me. I just wish she'd tell me what is bothering her.I just wish I knew.  
  
"I just don't feel well.there's something wrong.but I don't know what it is yet." She said quickly. They stopped walking, and a slight grin swept over Zekk's face. Jaina raised her eyebrows in confusion. "I know how to make you feel better." Zekk said eagerly.  
  
Zekk leaned down and kissed her lightly. Jaina's arms twisted around his neck, pressing her mouth harder against his. Zekk's tongue parted her lips, ardently teasing hers. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip. Jaina deepened the kiss, caressing his neck gingerly. Zekk broke the kiss, trailing small kisses down her neck and along her collarbone. Jaina leaned her head back, savoring the feeling of his warm lips against her neck. He pulled her closer to him. She tenderly nibbled on his earlobe as he relaxed into her body. "I love you, Jaina." He whispered. "I know." She replied.  
  
---  
  
Tenel Ka woke up, stretching. She felt a pressure applied to her stomach, and opened her eyes to see what it was. Jacen's head was snuggled comfortably into her abdomen, with his arm wrapped around her hips. She smiled, stroking his hair softly.  
  
-Tenel Ka POV- He's so calm. I guess he can't sense what I can through the Force. Maybe that's a good thing. I just wish I knew why I feel so uncomfortable. What could possibly go wrong that I can't see?  
  
Tenel Ka's thoughts were interrupted as Jacen moved his head, waking up. She moved her hand away from his head. "Mmmm.that felt good, my love." Jacen said, half asleep. Tenel Ka placed her hand back on his soft hair, gently messing it up. 'I guess I should tell him.' She thought to herself.  
  
'Tell me what?' Jacen sent her through the Force.  
  
"Stay out of my thoughts, Jacen." Tenel Ka said.  
  
"Sorry, your highness." Jacen said in a mocking tone.  
  
Jacen lifted his head up off of her stomach, propping himself up on his forearm. "Now what did you need to tell me?" Jacen asked.  
  
"I do not know." She said honestly.  
  
-Jacen POV- She's holding back, but what it is I can't decide. It could be a number of things. For starters, it could be that she actually wants to go back to Hapes and rule as Queen. Or, maybe she's been having dreams as well.but yet, it could quite possibly be.  
  
Jacen shivered. "Please tell me." He urged her on.  
  
"I cannot. I do not know, myself." Tenel Ka said, staring into his eyes.  
  
There was a long silence between the two. Jacen's eyes trailed, marking every feature on her face. Her beautiful lips, her well-formed cheek-bones, her perfectly-shaped jaw line, her deep gray eyes. "I love you."  
  
"And I love you." Tenel Ka replied.  
  
Jacen felt relief take over his body. He sat up, placing his hand on top of hers. She relaxed at his touch, but immediately tensed back up as a flash of images rolled through her head.  
  
-Tenel Ka POV- -You see Jacen. It's just him, standing alone. He looks worried, like he's lost something that he can't find. He turns to look behind him, and as he stops moving.he's gone. He disappeared. Where to.? I can't tell you that. Get out of my head! Why do you torment me like this? Who am I talking to? Who's there? -Tenel Ka. It's me. Don't you remember? I'm back. No, I do not remember. Tell me. -Here.let me show you. --You were 7, rather- I am 7. All those years ago. You rejected me. I'm the you that never was. I talked to you, but you ignored me. You only believed in me part of the time, but it wasn't enough. I disappeared back into the shadows.until now. I'm back, Tenel Ka. I'm back. I remember.all too well. 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Tenel Ka stood from the bed, her eyes blank, and her face pale. Horrific images flashed throughout her mind. The child in her head taunted her. 'You can't see him.I took him away. He's mine.you'll have to fight me for him.' Tenel Ka shook her head, trying to get rid of the images, but they didn't leave. They kept flashing, and she kept talking.  
  
Jacen was extremely worried. He sprang from the bed to catch Tenel Ka before she collapsed. He held her body close to his, whispering loudly into her ears, "What's wrong, Tenel Ka? Tell me!" Tenel Ka couldn't talk. "Please, Tenel Ka, tell me what's going on." She began shaking violently. "Tenel Ka!"  
  
"No! Let me go! I cannot be around you, you only make it worse!" Tenel Ka screamed involuntarily. She tried to wrench herself out of his grip. Jacen only held her tighter.  
  
"Make what worse?" He asked.  
  
"She hates me.and she's using you for my pain!" Tenel Ka yelled. She pushed him away from her, slamming him into the wall. She ran out the door and tore down the hallway, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Jacen's heart ripped in half. His stomach knotted and he couldn't breathe. 'What happened?' He thought, angry and confused. He didn't know, but he was going to find out.  
  
-----  
  
"Why'd you run away?" She asked.  
  
"Because he made the feeling worse." Tenel Ka explained.  
  
"He loves you." She said.  
  
"Stop. You are mocking me again." Tenel Ka replied, frustrated.  
  
"He wants you." She teased.  
  
"I am warning you." Tenel Ka threatened.  
  
"What can you do to me? I'm in your head." She told her. "This is a game, Tenel Ka, and I'm winning."  
  
Tenel Ka was sitting on her bed, looking down at the floor. She could feel the anger burn in her chest. She ignored it, suppressing the feeling. Just as the child in her head began to laugh, Tenel Ka spoke up. "Maybe." She doubtingly said, with a slight smirk on her face.  
  
Tenel Ka walked to the door, opening it slowly. She began to step out, but, having been looking at the floor, she noticed a pair of familiar feet. She looked up, sharply, and saw Jacen standing in front of her. "Will you talk to me now, my love?" Jacen asked calmly. Tenel Ka stared him hard in his eyes. They gleamed with compassion. She grabbed his hand and led him over to the bed, where she sat down. He sat beside her, and asked her again, "Tell me?"  
  
Tenel Ka let out a loud sigh. "Jacen, this is something I have kept hidden, even from myself. I have never wanted to believe this is true, but it is, and it is a fierce reality to face. However, I knew that sooner or later I would have to. So now I do. Years ago, I was seven; I had a choice to make. I could have stayed with my family, and grow up to be queen someday. On the other hand, I had the option of leaving with a group of young friends to go to a nearby planet and get involved with trading and things like that. They both were very tempting to me at that age- to be powerful, or to be free. I wrestled with this for weeks; I stayed in my room, fighting with myself over this decision. I soon formed two different people. They fought constantly. The only way I knew to stop this madness was to make a decision and get rid of one of them. I eventually returned to the people who had given me such offers, and told them my choice. I chose to stay with my family and become queen. I went with the peaceful, promising choice, though it was not really what I wanted. I would have much rather run off with my friends, but I knew there was nothing to gain. The second self had left, and all was fine. Or so I thought. She is back, and she is jealous. I am the Queen of Hapes, but that is not what she wanted me to be. She was that half that wanted to go with my friends, to be my own person. I pushed her back in the shadows, but she has been there too long and she has fought her way out. I am doing my best to control her, but she is taunting me. She will do anything she can to destroy me. She is telling me that."  
  
Tenel Ka paused, not really wanting to say what she needed to. Jacen pushed her on.  
  
"She is telling me that she will take you away from me, and that she can do. She can control my mind. I am doing everything I can to fight against her, but I am afraid. I do not know what will happen, and I do not know if I want to know." Tenel Ka went on, somewhat calmly.  
  
"You, afraid?" Jacen questioned. "Tenel Ka, you're strong. Not only strong, but brave, and you shouldn't be afraid. No matter what happens, remember that I wont let go." He lifted her chin up and smiled. "I love you more than I can tell you."  
  
She gazed into his deep brown eyes, soaking up every word he couldn't say. Jacen scooped up her body and held her close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, nuzzling her face into his neck. Rain began to fall steadily outside, and the slow, stable rhythm of each tiny drop relaxed Tenel Ka. Jacen could feel the tight tension in her body and mind gradually ease with every drop of rain. She had almost fallen asleep due to exhaustion from the earlier affair, and she barely heard Jacen whisper quietly, "I'll always be here.no matter what." 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
"So he knows now." She said  
  
"Yes, he does." Tenel Ka said, with light annoyance in her voice.  
  
She was lost in a fitful dream. She was sitting face to face with the girl in her head. She had a clear picture of her. She was small, but she had the same fiery red hair she has always had. Her gray eyes had a glint of fire within them that made Tenel Ka uneasy. She studied her, concentrating on the things that were different- the things that would have been.  
  
"Do you want to see what you could have been?" She asked.  
  
"No. It is not who I am now, so why should I?" Tenel Ka snorted.  
  
"You're right.there's no point. It was stupid of me to suggest it."  
  
She stood up from where she was sitting. Her chair fell backwards. Tenel Ka stared confusedly at her. Her eyes had gone black, and her face had gone pale. Her image began to disappear. 'Had this all been that easy?' She thought to herself. She stood, setting the chair back up, the one that she.that her younger self. had knocked over earlier. She lifted her head up to walk out of the door, but before she could take a step, two gray eyes appeared before her. They met perfectly with her height. The body attached to the eyes began to materialize, and Tenel Ka swallowed nervously. Once the entire image had appeared, it took Tenel Ka a moment to realize who it was. She stepped backwards to examine the image fully. The image was clearly a woman. She was Tenel Ka's height, and had the same eyes. Her flaming hair was not braided as Tenel Ka's was; instead it was pulled back into a thick ponytail. She had a blaster hanging at her hip from a thick belt. She was dressed in clothes that Tenel Ka had seen Han Solo, Jacen's father, wear in old holos. She backed up farther, trying to get away from the image. She knew it wasn't real- but it scared her.  
  
"I told you I did not want to see it!" Tenel Ka screamed at the air.  
  
The image did not move, but a voice emanated from it. A voice so different, so thick, so rich that sent chills down Tenel Ka's back.  
  
"Since when did I have to listen to you? You never listened to me."  
  
Tenel Ka was shocked. "I had no choice! I was expected to be queen; if had any other choice, I would have taken it. Do not toy with me. It really wasn't my choice." Tenel Ka said honestly.  
  
She couldn't take her eyes off of the image in front of her. It was scary- but beautiful. Maybe not in and attractive sense, but it was really what she could have been, and that terrified her. She had stopped backing up, for she had been enchanted by the image. However it neither troubled her nor did it pull her in. She heard the voice emanate from the image again.  
  
"See? You could have been this."  
  
"What would I have gained?" Tenel Ka asked.  
  
"Freedom, the freedom to run your own life." Was the answer.  
  
"I would be living in a constant terror for my life- and should I get caught, the question of whether or not I would be free would no longer exist." Tenel Ka stated.  
  
"Yes- but that's the whole thrill of it all."  
  
"Why do you care anymore? I can't change it. I am what I am, the queen, and I can't turn away from it all now."  
  
* * *  
  
Jacen couldn't sleep. He had begun to experience a glimpse of the terror Tenel Ka had been feeling. He felt her body shifting in her sleep; he knew she was having a dream that did not help to ease her thoughts. He felt her breathing, felt her breath against his bare chest. His eyes fell to her lips. The lips he had kissed, the lips that formed the words he had forever wanted to hear. Her eyes squeezed tighter together, and her lips formed into a frown. He pulled her closer to his body, doing all he could to comfort her. He knew that there was nothing much he could do, but he tried.  
  
* * *  
  
"Why can't you leave me alone?" Tenel Ka begged.  
  
"It's not that easy. I came back to avenge myself, not to show you what you could have been."  
  
"What do you want from me?"  
  
"I want you know what it feels like to be shut out and forgotten."  
  
"Why are you doing this to me? It was not my choice- I was expected to be queen." Tenel Ka said.  
  
"It hurts, Tenel Ka, and you shall feel the pain of it all."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it was you're doing."  
  
"No it was not."  
  
"It was!"  
  
"You can not take Jacen away!" Tenel Ka screamed.  
  
"Watch me."  
  
* * *  
  
Tenel Ka's eyes shot open. She could feel the sweat run down her face. She was breathing hard. Jacen's head was on his pillow, in a shallow dreamless sleep. He hadn't noticed her wake up. He looked the same he always had, very peaceful and passive. She brushed the hair out of his eyes, kissing his forehead lightly. 'She is wrong.and I will prove it.' She thought to herself. 'Somehow.I will prove it.' 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
"Jaina, wake up." A quiet voice sounded in Jaina's head. She opened her eyes to see Zekk staring at her. "You were having a bad dream." He said. He picked her arm up, showing her where she had dug her nails into it. Jaina's head relaxed into her pillow. She smiled at Zekk.  
  
"I did have a bad dream." She said, almost to herself. "It was about Jacen. He was walking away from me. Tenel Ka was there. She stood with her back to him. Just before Jacen was out of sight, a blinding flash appeared and he was gone.I don't know what it meant."  
  
She looked around her, as if trying to find the answer. Zekk pulled her into a hug. "It's ok. I'm sure it was nothing."  
  
"Yeah." Jaina sighed, wanting to believe him, but she couldn't shake the feeling off, something bad was going to happen- no matter what she thought.  
  
* * *  
  
Jacen, Tenel Ka, Jaina, Zekk and Lowie walked towards Luke, who was going to tell them their missions.  
  
"Jaina- you are to fly an x-wing, as well as Tenel Ka, in order to create a diversion from the army." Tenel Ka stared at Luke. She hadn't the slightest clue how to pilot an x-wing. She looked at Jacen, who she knew could fly better than she ever could.  
  
"Why me?" Tenel Ka asked.  
  
"I need Jacen to go with Zekk and me, we have a mission of our own to undertake. Jaina will guide you in piloting the ship." Luke promised. He explained the rest of their part of the mission, and told them to get prepare the ships.  
  
Tenel Ka caught Jacen's eyes staring at her. Her heart burned, as if someone was holding it over an open fire. 'I will see you again.' She thought to herself.  
  
Tenel Ka followed Jaina through the hangar towards the two x-wings waiting for them. She was handed a flight suit, just like the ones they used to wear when they were training there. Tenel Ka changed into the suit, and hopped into the cockpit of the x-wing. She turned her communicator on, listening intently to Jaina's instructions so as not to miss a detail. The ships were soon fired up and, one after the other, they blasted out of the hangar. They were soon headed out of the atmosphere of the small moon and headed in the direction of the army.  
  
"You set this up, didn't you?" Tenel Ka accused.  
  
"So what if I did?" She replied.  
  
"You know I cannot fly this thing! You are going to get me killed out there."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Tenel Ka closed her eyes, trying not to think of the one person that was occupying her mind. It hurt to think of him, because she felt that she would never see him again.  
  
"Tenel Ka? Are you ok?" Jaina's voice came over the communicator.  
  
"What? Oh.yes. I am fine. How long until we get there?"  
  
"Just a few standard hours. This shouldn't be too bad." Jaina said. Tenel Ka didn't like the daring tone in her voice. It meant that she was planning on danger, whether it is already in waiting or if she was going to create it on her own.  
  
Tenel Ka tried to stretch out, but the small cockpit restrained her from moving very well. She kept thinking of Jacen, about how scared she was for him, about how badly she wished he had been in the cockpit instead of her, about how much she loved him.  
  
Like Jaina said, they came upon the Vong army after about three hours of their flight. "Are you ready Tenel Ka?" Jaina asked.  
  
Tenel Ka swallowed hard, and managed to mutter a small 'yes.'  
  
"Luke, we're here. Ready when you are." Jaina said, boldly. Tenel Ka noticed three smaller ships flying up closer behind them.  
  
"On your mark." Luke told her.  
  
"Let's go." Jaina addressed Tenel Ka in a low voice.  
  
Jaina's x-wing sped up, followed by Tenel Ka's. Jaina held her finger on the triggers, flying fast towards the army. "Tenel Ka, go straight! I'm going around, just shoot the bad guys." Jaina said, hastily.  
  
'I do not know what I am doing.' She said to herself.  
  
"I do."  
  
That was it. Tenel Ka's other side knew everything about flying ships and fighting enemies. "Fine, you do it; just this once. If I let you do this, will you leave me alone?"  
  
There was no reply for a while. Suddenly, there was a sharp, "Ok."  
  
It was settled, and Tenel Ka let go of everything. Her mind went blank as the exchange began. She no longer felt her body; she couldn't see or hear anything but her other self, talking. "Happy?" Tenel Ka asked.  
  
"Yes." She said, pulling the trigger, firing at the enemies. She fired many shots, until she saw her ultimate target. Smiling, she fired a warning shot.  
  
"Tenel Ka! What's wrong with you?" Jaina's voice came over the communicator. "Shoot at the enemies."  
  
She fired another shot in the direction of her target, making sure not to hit it.  
  
"She's gone insane!" Zekk exclaimed. He flew his ship towards Jaina's. "Jaina. what is she doing?" He asked.  
  
"I'm not sure, but something is definitely wrong." Jaina said.  
  
"Zekk! Get back over here!" Jacen yelled, frantically.  
  
"Uncle Luke, what's wrong with Tenel Ka?" Jaina asked.  
  
Luke was silent. He concentrated on her. "I don't know. Try to avoid her, and just focus on what we need to do."  
  
She shot a few more lasers in their direction. "Jaina, take the enemies. Zekk, try and avoid getting hit for just a few minutes. Jacen, stay with Zekk. I'm gunna see what's wrong with her." Luke yelled, trying to stay calm.  
  
Another shot was fired towards Zekk and Jacen. "Zekk, she's firing at Jacen.get over here, Jacen get out of the way!" Luke yelled into his communicator. Jacen blasted out of her line of fire as Luke and Zekk surrounded her ship. "Tenel Ka, what do you think you're doing?" Jaina screamed.  
  
She smiled. She looked out the window towards Jacen's ship. It blasted away from her. "Perfect." She whispered.  
  
"What are you doing to him?" Tenel Ka screamed.  
  
"What I told you I would do."  
  
*** 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Tenel Ka flew into the Vong fleet, easily dodging the blasts from the ships.  
  
"You're are going to get me killed!" Tenel Ka screamed from inside her head.  
  
"Oh no.I value this too much to do that." Came a reply.  
  
'There has to be a way for me to get her to stop. She's the best pilot out here- not to mention the other part of my mind, but I know she has to have some kind of weakness.' Tenel Ka thought to herself.  
  
The X-wing zipped past and around numerous ships in the fleet, dodging lasers, buying time.she stared at her communicator, and her eyes hardened as if she were trying to figure out a plan. She looked back up, smiling, and flew straight towards an enemy ship. Laser shot at her, but she piloted the ship so that it actually did hit her that time.  
  
"Are you crazy?" Tenel Ka screamed.  
  
"Geez, I never made this big of a fuss." She complained.  
  
"Well, I would rather not have to die without my mind and my body being together." Tenel Ka snorted.  
  
"You wouldn't die. You're body would, I would." There was a long pause. "And besides, it wasn't that bad of a hit, it just grazed us."  
  
"Why did you let it hit us anyway?" Tenel Ka asked.  
  
"It's a little trick I like to call 'bait and capture'." She replied, slyly.  
  
Tenel Ka froze inside her mind. "Jacen!"  
  
"That's it." She agreed.  
  
Tenel Ka felt a blackness engulf her. She felt trapped and helpless, and she didn't like it.  
  
` ` `  
  
"Tenel Ka is gunna get killed if she doesn't get out of there." Zekk commented.  
  
Jacen was silent. His eyes never left Tenel Ka's ship. He knew what was wrong. Without even having to think, he knew. He turned his ship in the direction of hers and flew towards her.  
  
Luke punched a few numbers and spoke into his communicator. When he finished speaking, Zekk's voice came over. "Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?"  
  
"It's the only chance we've got." Luke replied.  
  
Zekk frowned, sensing Jaina through the Force.  
  
Jaina turned her X-wing, and was about to chase after Jacen when Luke stopped her. "Wait, Jaina."  
  
"What?" She asked confused.  
  
"Let him go, he knows what he's doing." Luke said, calmly.  
  
Jaina's face scrunched up in confusion. 'Jacen, what's wrong?' She sent through the Force.  
  
'You wouldn't understand.' Jacen said angrily.  
  
'Who would understand better than me?' Jaina asked.  
  
Jacen sighed. 'Tenel Ka has a person inside her head- the person she has secretly wanted to be. It's taken possession of her body and trying to kill me.'  
  
There was a long silence. Jaina could hear the drone of her X-wing around her. She felt her heart beat swiftly in her chest.  
  
'I'll be back, Jaya.' Jacen promised. His X-wing blasted through the enemy fire, shooting ships, trying to keep a close watch on Tenel Ka.  
  
"Jacen." Jaina said to the battle scene in front of her.  
  
` ` `  
  
"The plan is in motion, Tenel Ka, do you want to see?" Her voice resonated in her head.  
  
"No." Tenel Ka replied sternly. She closed her eyes, blocking out every mental picture. She kept trying to force her to see. Tenel Ka resisted as best as she could. She gasped as she realized something. 'Her weakness- losing.' She thought to herself. 'Jacen! Get out of here!' She shot quickly through the Force.  
  
'No, Tenel Ka, I can't, I have to save you.' He said.  
  
She forced the picture in front of Tenel Ka's eyes. Tenel Ka didn't care; she had to get Jacen out of there. 'Jacen, listen to me, go away from the fleet.'  
  
'I won't let you die.'  
  
'I am going to die either way.get out of here!' She sent him.  
  
As soon as she had finished talking, Jacen felt his ship being pulled into the fleet's main ship. He tried all he could to wriggle free, but it was too strong. He was pulled into the ship, his X-wing disappeared, and all of the fleet simultaneously jumped into hyperspace.  
  
"JACEN!!" Tenel Ka screamed. She fought against herself, pushing the blackness away from her. "No more!"  
  
She pushed through the block, breaking the shackles of the imprisonment. She felt her hands gripping the controls, the sweat dripping down her face. Her jaw was clenched tightly together. "I let you fly.you did what you wanted to do, now leave!" She ordered.  
  
There was a silence. Tenel Ka thought that she was already gone. "Thank you." came the voice one last time.  
  
` ` `  
  
"Jaina?" Tenel Ka spoke into the communicator.  
  
"Tenel Ka? Are you ok?" She asked, worriedly.  
  
"Yes, I am fine. They have Jacen."  
  
"I know."  
  
A small fleet pulled up behind the four remaining x-wings.  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Good, you're here." Luke said.  
  
"It's about time." Zekk said coldly.  
  
"Where's Jacen?" Came the man's voice.  
  
"Let's go back to Yavin 4." Jaina said, flying her X-wing alongside Tenel Ka.  
  
"What's going on?" The man asked.  
  
"We'll talk." Luke replied, shooting back down to the green moon below them. 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Jaina landed her ship carefully and climbed out of the cockpit, her small feet gently touching the ground. Tenel Ka landed beside hers, and sat in the ship for a few minutes, trying to sense Jacen. With only a small shiver, she climbed slowly out of the cockpit, her eyes burning with tears. She turned around, her body meeting Jaina's as they embraced in a long hug.  
  
"I cannot believe he's gone..." Tenel Ka managed, not letting the tears leave her eyes.  
  
"Don't worry, Tenel Ka, he's coming back. I promise..." Jaina comforted.  
  
Jaina's vision began to blur with tears as three figures approached them. She let go of Tenel Ka, who stood trembling slightly, and acknowledged Luke and Zekk's presence.  
  
"Master Luke, I..." Tenel Ka started, but was silenced by Luke with a quick lift of his hand. She stared at the ground, her hands clenched into tight fists. 'I know, Tenel Ka, I know...' Luke assured her as a tear slid down her pale face.  
  
Luke motioned for the young man to come closer, and without hesitation he walked towards Luke. Zekk put an arm around Jaina's waist in a slight hug. Jaina wrapped both arms around his body, letting his presence soothe her as best as it could.  
  
"Allow me to introduce you to the newest pilot here on Yavin. He will be leading a team of fighters into various battles, going by the name of Jagged Fel." Luke said.  
  
A pilot who had arrived during the battled called his name, and the new pilot ran off to see what he was needed for.  
  
Tenel Ka turned to walk away. "Tenel Ka?" Luke began.  
  
"I am going to pack up my things." She said quietly.  
  
Luke's heart sunk, he knew she felt responsible for Jacen, and he knew he could do nothing about it. He watched her walk through the doors, solemn and silent.  
  
"I guess I should go pack as well," Zekk said. Luke nodded, and Zekk walked away. Jaina stood, staring into her uncle's face.  
  
"Uncle Luke?" She asked. Luke lifted his chin to acknowledge her question. "If it's alright, I would like to stay here and join you team of fighter pilots." She said.  
  
Luke had trouble finding the right words. "What about Han and Leia? Don't you want to go home?"  
  
"There's nothing for me there. My place is here, I'm a pilot, Uncle Luke, not a politician." Luke nodded, and hugged his niece lovingly.  
  
She ran off to send a message home, telling her parents about what had happened, and what she had decided to do. Not long after she sent the message, she heard a buzzing sound coming from the door. She opened it to see a tall, dark-haired Zekk holding a bag.  
  
"I just came to say goodbye," Zekk said painfully.  
  
Jaina wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground in a giant hug. "I'll never see you again, will I?" Jaina asked when he set her down.  
  
"Who can say? I might drop in a time or two...but nothing is for certain." He replied. He grabbed her soft hands, rubbing them gently with his fingers. Jaina pushed back the hurting tears that so badly wanted to fall. He brought her hands to his lips, kissing them tenderly. "I love you, Jaina Solo." He whispered into her fingers.  
  
Two tears fell from her eyes onto her cheeks. She watched his face as it came closer to hers, their lips meeting gingerly for a few short seconds. He pulled his head back, staring into her soft brown eyes. Jaina opened her mouth to say something to him, but Zekk gently put a finger to her lips to stop her. "It's okay," he said.  
  
He placed one last kiss on her forehead, and turned around, walking quickly. Jaina's lips quivered, the words spilling gracefully off of them. "I love you too." was her whispered reply. She fell to her knees, leaning heavily against the doorframe, staring down the hall at the door that closed her off from her only love. "I always will..." 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Jaina walked into the main hangar to start working on touching up her X-wing. She tried to block out thoughts of Zekk. He'd only been gone for a few hours and she missed him already. She faced her ship, looking it over, deciding where to start. As she reached down to grab a cloth, she heard footsteps coming into the hangar. She turned quickly around to see Tenel Ka dressed elegantly, holding her bags. Jaina hadn't noticed the ship on the farthest landing pad from where she stood.  
  
"Take care, Tenel Ka." Jaina said. "We'll miss you."  
  
Tenel Ka bowed her head slightly, and walked quietly to the ship waiting for her. She walked aboard, and the hatch closed with a hiss. The ship took off and headed for Hapes.  
  
Jaina turned around and got back to work. She was silent, unlike the other pilots in the hangar who talked amongst themselves. Jaina caught a few of them glancing at her, but she only smiled and continued working.  
  
A few moments later, Jaina felt someone watching her. A tingle ran through her and she turned around quickly. Jagged Fel stood only a few meters away from her, leaning against another X-wing. She gave him a quick grin and turned back to her ship, cleaning it nervously with the cloth.  
  
He stood from his leaning position and walked to her, confidently. She pretended not to acknowledge him, but when his face was but a few feet from hers, she turned and spoke up. "May I help you, Jagged Fel?" She spoke with an annoyed tone in her voice.  
  
"Call me Jag, please." He said, almost begging.  
  
"May I help you, Jag?" She repeated.  
  
"I have a problem with my X-wing and I was wondering if you would be able to help me." He said.  
  
"Oh," Jaina replied, jokingly. "Does Captain Fel not know how to fix a ship?"  
  
"No, it's not that, I just thought that you might know how to do it faster." He tried.  
  
Jaina rolled her eyes, hanging her cloth on one of the blasters on her ship and followed Jag to his X-wing.  
  
"See right there." Jag pointed to a broken switch on the back of the ship.  
  
Jaina walked closer to examine it. "That shouldn't be too hard." She said, rubbing her hands on her pant legs. "I just need a few things, I'll be right back."  
  
Jag smirked, watching her every step. Within a few minutes, Jaina returned with a few tools and a wet rag. She got to work, and Jag watched intently over her shoulder. Jaina tugged on the switch lightly, but her hand slipped and she elbowed Jag in the stomach. "I'm sorry," She said, trying her best to stifle a laugh. She turned back to the ship and grinned.  
  
"It's ok," Jag huffed. Jaina finished working on the switch and wiped it down with the wet rag. She flicked it lightly and turned around to face Jag. "There. It's fixed." She said, her eyes showing irritation. Her hand rested on her hip and her head cocked to the side.  
  
"Thanks." He said, with a slight smirk on his face.  
  
"No problem, now could you please get out of my way." She asked.  
  
"Would you join me later, maybe for a walk? I need to know my way around here." He said slyly, leaning his face closer to hers.  
  
Jaina put her face right up to his. "I'm sorry- You'll have to talk to Luke, I'm not a tour guide."  
  
She pushed away from Jag, walking quickly back to her ship. Jag scowled at her. 'She'll see.' He thought to himself.  
  
"Hey, Jaina!" Luke called from behind her. Jag looked at Luke at the same time Jaina did.  
  
"Yeah, Uncle Luke?" She replied.  
  
"Gimme a hand here." He said.  
  
Jaina hung her cloth back up and walked out of the hangar. Jag watched her until she was out of sight. He turned to face his ship, examining the switch. "Hm.Nice work." He said to himself, and began looking for anything else that needed fixing.  
  
' ' '  
  
"What was that all about?" Luke asked Jaina.  
  
"Oh, Jag was just inviting me on a date." Jaina said sarcastically.  
  
Luke raised his eyebrow. "Really?" He asked, curiously.  
  
"Oh Uncle Luke, you wouldn't think I'd actually spend time alone with him, do you?" Jaina asked.  
  
"Well, he is the new Captain; you might want to get to know him." Luke said.  
  
"I need to know his personality, not his body." Jaina replied.  
  
Luke laughed slightly. "You can spend time with him and still just know his personality."  
  
"I don't want to be around him." Jaina said, hinting anger.  
  
"What are you afraid of.I thought I told you that you shouldn't fear anything." Luke prodded.  
  
"I'm afraid of getting too close to him." Jaina was about to cry.  
  
"Why should you fear that?"  
  
Jaina was silent. She could feel tears filling her eyes. Her heart pounded, and she stared at the floor. "Zekk." Came from an unwilling voice.  
  
"What?" Luke replied.  
  
She sighed. "I.I love Zekk.and I don't want to lose that feeling. I've lost too many things already.and I don't want to let another one slip through my fingers.not if I can help it."  
  
Luke stared at his niece. She was falling apart. Anakin was dead, Jacen was gone, Zekk left, she had no one to turn to who could understand fully. Not even Leia- who had been through most of what she had. No, Leia was her own mother, she'd never fully know. Jaina fell to her knees, tears falling freely from her face. Each tear like a piece of her.one for Jacen.Anakin.Zekk.Han.Leia.Tenel Ka.Luke.but not for herself.she had nothing left to cry for herself. She was already shattered and she didn't know what to do. 


End file.
